4 Ways to Control Your Inner Control Freak
I can’t believe plans changed! This really isn't going my way. I didn’t lose 50 pounds in a week.
I did in fact believe, at one point in my life that the sun wouldn't rise unless I set an alarm for it. However, after years of lessons on my own journey, I have come to learn there is no feeling more amazing in the world than to be drunk off existential bliss from the awareness of and my participation in Perfect Universal Chaos.
So this is for my fellow control freaks - a sweet little note, to the future us, from the Universe on how to drop the need for control, learn to trust and restore peace of mind.
Dear recovered control freak,
I bet you don't miss that pit in your stomach, the one that happens after plans change, the wind changes… or anything changes; the sudden rush of sheer terror that makes your heart beat a million times faster; and the food (or alcohol or drugs or sex or any compulsive behavior) you've used to sweep the dread under the rug in hopes to never feel it again.
You thought you had your life in control. You had plans and goals to have lost fifteen pounds by the wedding and have a thousand extra bucks in the bank, but somehow it never happened on your time… and you felt like a failure over and over again.
I did in fact believe, at one point in my life that the sun wouldn't rise unless I set an alarm for it.
Your thoughts are imbalanced. You've come out of balance. You like these unrealistic, unmanageable and chaotic extremes; this all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking has somehow made you believe that control is entirely yours.
Allow me to remind you, this is a team effort my sweet friend.
Remember, long, long ago, as a child - maybe even before - you seeded your consciousness with the belief that somehow you had complete control of your life. Worse yet, that if you didn't control everything your failure-based thinking was activated, reinforcing the untruth that somehow you aren't enough just the way you are.
I'm so incredibly happy you got sick of feeling the less-than-desirable emotional repercussions of this harsh untruth. That you fell on your face, cried your eyes out and relinquished some of this control. I love you so. Old habits die hard and
I am beyond grateful that you realize you can't orchestrate your perfect, beautiful, sweet life like I can.
Must I remind you sweet friend, are so enough as you are - without having to prove or control anything - so much so that I created the moon and the stars for you to marvel in!
That is how good enough you are.
When you feel any form of fear from control - such as worry, anxiety, overwhelm frustration or fear, here's what I want you to do:
1. Stop. Breathe.
Continue to cultivate the emotional awareness to know what control feels like in your life. (You can't change a behavior unless you know your behavior.)
2. Tap in tune in and turn on to the thoughts upstairs.
You're only feeling what you're feeling because of what you're thinking. Dig around up there and figure out what the root of the issue may be.
3. Gently remind the control-based thought that there is a better way.
Use thought redirection to find a better feeling thought. Try this one on:
I understand I'm trying to control this situation; it's what I've always done. I also realize that it' not working for me anymore, causing me pain and driving unwanted behaviors. I am choosing to give this situation up to you dear Universe, with all the trust I have right now - however small that may be - that you will create a better outcome than I can. Take it. Thank you.
4. Journal the evidence of perfection.
Your mind is wired to see what you belief and to keep those beliefs engrained, alive and true. You can shift this by using what you call in psychology confirmation bias, the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one's existing beliefs or theories. Force yourself to seek all the evidence in your life that trusting me is better than controlling it without me.
This, my sweet friend will replace old controlling thought patterns with the habit of trust.
Always remember, you are good enough. You are smart enough. You are beautiful enough. You are more than enough, just the way you are.
I got you,
Solid advice, that when followed, has proved itself through a calm and peaceful life amidst a chaotic and bossy world. Try it! What do you have to lose other than a little stress?